Red Carpet Review. Suburban Slant.

It's Oscar Time Again!

For most of us in the burbs and beyond, the Oscars may as well be taking place on another planet. (Is this where the name Planet Hollywood came from? Probably.) Luckily we get to take it all in wearing our elastic-waist pj’s from the comfort of our cookie-cutter homes. The Oscars have become just as much about the “clothes” as it is about the performances being recognized. Viva la Hollywood! Viva my jammies! It’s all so gorgeous but what do these dresses REALLY say? . . .

 

WOW. Although I wouldn’t consider myself a Gwyneth Paltrow super-fan, recently I’ve become a HUGE fan of her red carpet looks. I’m thinking this photo could have been taken at any point in time from the last 20 years through the next 20. Timeless. Simple. Props to Mrs. Martin and Tom Ford.

SUBURBAN SLANT: How could I ever step out of the house without this being covered in pet hair? Well, I wouldn’t be stepping out in it because I would look like I was wearing a body cast. Plus, God knows what that long, narrow sheath would look like strapped across these thighs. 

 

 

 

 

Yuck. I didn’t like this. I’m tired of JLo’s sexy-vibe. Yes, you’re a beautiful Latina. Yes, you have amazing curves. No need to advertise further. We’ve all seen it. Now show us how you rock your classy side. Fin.

SUBURBAN SLANT: I’m thinking that I would wear this to a “Real Housewives of the Chicago Suburbs” party. But only if it was my only option…and I’d have to be totally drunk before I put it on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh Octavia! Who was not so excited and happy for this woman? So humble and so adorable. Plus, so impeccably dressed to flatter her figure and her new Oscar statue.

SUBURBAN SLANT: I love the dress and the hair and the jewelry. I’m not gonna take away from the wow-factor of the Oscars, but I’ve been to a few suburban black-tie events where I would have loved to see someone with her body type wearing something that even remotely resembled this. It covers all the bits that need to be covered and most of us can relate to that.

 

 

 

 

 

Angie. Ok, I liked it. I loved the hair and the red lipstick. I feel like I could feel the weight and the texture of the fabric even while watching it from my comfy couch. Very glamorous and va-va-voom. It got mixed reviews, but I give it a thumbs-up.

SUBURBAN SLANT: If the camera adds 10 pounds, Angie is now, most likely topping-out at 85 LB’s. For Christ’s sake, there is no way, no matter how many people were going to see all of me on television, could I give up chewing and swallowing food to get to that weight. And on that note, stop posing with that baby giraffe leg sticking out. We see that the slit on that dress goes waaaaaay up.

 

Did you watch the Oscars Sunday night? Were you sitting in your home eating a giant bowl of ice cream and passing judgment on all of the celebrities walking the red carpet? Me too! Which look you would dare to wear?

3 Responses to “Red Carpet Review. Suburban Slant.”

  1. LovesGray February 27, 2012 at 7:36 pm #

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    I loved the red head with the red dress! Yes, the bow was a little large, but I totally think that is wearable!

  2. MissMO February 28, 2012 at 8:34 am #

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    Loved the commentary!!
    I would be so totally terrified to make this decision that I would have to stay home with a bottle of wine. I can’t even decide on new sandals for a trip to Mexico!!! lol 😉

  3. MeganMarie January 3, 2013 at 11:09 pm #

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    In my honest opinion I thought Jennifer Lopez looked great. She has always been versatile with her style whether she’s being chic, classy, or sexy. Fashion is all about trying new things and making trends and that’s what she does every time.

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