Here We Go Round the Burberry Bush

Halle in the 'Berry

Who the eff bought my Burberry trench coat? Really. Who was batshit crazy enough to buy this coat? Obviously about a Burberry Outlet rounder’s worth of people because when I checked on them last week, all but one was gone.

(Thanks Beloved Roomie for letting me use your daughter’s image in this week’s blog, full of cursing, evil thoughts and mean name-calling. You rock.)

Flashback to Summer 2011. About 6 long, months ago. I was back home in Northwest Indiana and strolling around the outlet mall with my mom. I always stop in Burberry to look for uber-deals (never finding any). This stop lead me straight to a rounder-rack full of classic Burberry trenches. Not too exciting you say? Let me add the black leather belt to adorn your waist and the removable fur collar making it oh-so-versatile.

Mom said, “Stop. Don’t do it. Don’t put it on. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.” 

But I did it. And that really did it. Because it was like butta. But the worst of all worst was about to happen. The price tag check. Let’s just say it started with a “one thousand” and ended with 100.00. Outlet priced.

I wiped my tears and left. But not without checking back in that store every subsequent visit back home. I even sent Beloved Roomie (who lives near the mall) back a few times in between to check on it. It was still there. I got a pic of her daughter* in it. Still not on sale. I thought of that jacket almost every day. But I knew I could never, without a winning Lotto ticket, pull the trigger.

Guess where I went over the holidays? Yep. Back into Burberry. Hoping for half-off. Praying for a closeout. Bargaining with myself about what the “go” price would have to be. When I walked in I saw just one lonely trench coat left. One. Not even marked down a penny. It was crushing. But more crushing than that was the fact that some other chicks out there were able to pull the trigger and leave with an amazing, beautiful, Burberry trench coat that would absolutely never, ever, never go out of style.

Lucky them. I wish those bitches a beautiful life with their Burberrys. I also hope they are wallowing in credit card debt and chained to their decrepit Sugar Daddies for the rest of their lives.

One more thing . . . Did I mention that the last trench coat was in my size and I am heading back “home” again in February?

*Thanks Miss Halle, for modeling my coat. You are more beautiful than Halle Berry because you are a Halle in my Burberry!

3 Responses to “Here We Go Round the Burberry Bush”

  1. Laura January 10, 2012 at 10:59 am #

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    HAHA – thanks for the laugh – the second to last paragraph was the BEST!!!!

  2. Tonya Beecher Rush January 11, 2012 at 7:12 am #

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    First off, I love your blog posts! I feel like you should have a newspaper or magazine column, ala Carrie Bradshaw! At any rate, I share your love for Burberry and visit the store whenever I am near, alas, I’ve never scored a deal and the prices only seem to go up as the years wear on. This year, Santa DID bring Burberry to my home. However the gift was for my daughter and Santa was my friend (a DINK) and the gift was a stunning puffer coat – oh to be four years old again.

  3. Kelly January 11, 2012 at 10:31 am #

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    Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your daughter must have been a very good girl this year . . .and a DINK Santa with fabulous taste is a wonderful connection to have ; )

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