Dear Baboons, CYA. Leggings are not Pants.

bad, bad, leggings


Leggings are not pants. I should really just stop there. That should be enough. However, I feel the need to further explain as not everyone is hearing this.



Indeed leggings are pants in the sense that you put your feet in them, pull them over your legs and up to your waist. But they are not pants that stand-alone. Cover your ass people. Last time I checked the baboons were in the zoo showing their bright, red behinds to each other. Human ladies take note: We don’t want to see yours.

Cover your ass.

Yes, skinny jeans and leggings are going nowhere, so it is our civic duty to wear them responsibly. Women of all ages are becoming too comfortable with this trend by slacking off and not wearing the garment as intended*. This rivals “the great sweat pant resurgence of the early 90’s.” Sweatpants were for sweating, right? Exercise wear, so we thought . . .

Leggings are for covering your legs while wearing an item that is not quite long enough to be deemed a dress (requiring tights) but short enough to require a lil’ sumpin’-sumpin’ over your buns.

Ladies, the rules of leggings are as follows:

  • If your leggings don’t have pockets, your backside should be covered. Maybe your long tunic isn’t that long and when you reach down to grab the car keys a little boo-tay peeks out. That’s fine.
  • I don’t care if they have a funky print or are made from thick cotton; wear something over them that will keep your cheeks hidden. Repeat: Leggings highlight your legs. They are not called buttings, assings, or badonkings.
  • Are you an aggressive baboon that can’t stand keeping it all covered? Go for a skinny jean with some great pockets. Skinny jeans with pockets are A-OK to be bootilicious. Just use good judgment with what’s happening on your top-half.

So, this is MY grown-up Christmas wish. I don’t care how many squats you’ve done, use your leggings for good, not evil and cover that “A.” It really just looks like you’re not quite done getting dressed. Call the zoo, the baboons have escaped.

I’ve failed to mention that this horrific epidemic is affecting most young women and teen girls. Good God, please make it stop. The youth of today, no matter how firm their backsides must not become the Suburban Style Tragedies of tomorrow . . . 

*Exercising in the home and at the gym excluded.

One Response to “Dear Baboons, CYA. Leggings are not Pants.”

  1. Loves Gray December 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm #

    Likes Thumb up 1

    Love it! No pockets = covered Arse!

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