A Letter to Our Teenage Girls: Don’t Dress the Part of the Homecoming Harlot

Heavenly Hailey

Homecoming. I hope I’m not too late. Before the young chippies of Suburbia start dress shopping, I’m begging and pleading for them to listen or at the very least, please consider these words from a seasoned veteran . . .



Dear Suburban Lovelies,

Fall is knocking on our door, classes are in full-swing and “Homecoming Season” is upon us.  I’m sure your thoughts are consumed with questions such as;  “Who will ask me to the dance?” “Where are we going for dinner?” And foremost on your mind, “What will I wear?” (This is where I come in.)

Please. Don’t use this occasion to dress yourself like a Turbo Slut. I realize these words may sound harsh, but there’s no putting it lightly. Too often we are bombarded by photos of beautiful young women wearing unfortunate sausage casings – looking like they’re headed to “Amature Night at The Admiral.” Don’t drink this Kool-Aid. At this point in life you may feel like you want to try pushing the boundaries of your personal style and flaunting your new found curves.  I understand. But as hard as it may be to think outside of the box in this time of “I want to fit in,” I promise you, you want to be the girl who looks like she considers fashion before flashin’. Remember my dears, this is the Homecoming dance NOT the VIP line at TAO Night Club. (You’ve got your entire 20’s to perfect that Las Vegas Look.)

Cover your boobies. Cover your cookie. No one says you have to wear sky-high-stripper-heels. Be young. Be adorable. Be beautiful. Be classy. Step away from the Red Carpet at the VMA’s and allow me to help…

Heavenly Hailey

 #OMG #Major Gorge #SODamnClassy #AntiSlut

Dauntless Style

 #Shut.Up. #Dying #BestDressedHomecoming #GoodGirlsRule

Kelly OMG

#WOW #Color! #Outsideofthebox #FRESH

Chloe Love!

 #nowords #perfection #jawdropper #LOVELY

See? That wasn’t so bad. Promote tasteful individuality, grace and high style (without high hemlines and plunging necklines.) You may not get all the attention from the opposite sex, but you will get the right kind of attention from classmates and peers that see someone with confidence, class and good taste. This all adds up to “one quality chick.”

Before I leave you to your highly anticipated shopping trip, I hope you’ll take my advice with you. My final words? Be comfortable, carefree and beautiful on this special night. Your 42 year-old self doesn’t want to look back and say, “What was I thinking?”


A Suburban Mom Who Gives a Shit


My 42 year-old self has no regrets! (I also had no formal Homecoming dance.) But I’m praying that I get to see more beautiful dresses than I do tits and thighs this year. Who’s with me?

One Response to “A Letter to Our Teenage Girls: Don’t Dress the Part of the Homecoming Harlot”

  1. Nancy Geary October 1, 2014 at 9:48 pm #

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    Amen sister! Well said! I couldn’t agree more!

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