The Five People You Meet in IKEA


We’ve had too many funerals to attend as of late. This got me thinking about the book, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven,” which made my twisted mind start thinking of whom one might meet in hell. This triggered me to reflect upon my recent trip to IKEA (which could definitely be interpreted as… Read More »

A Letter to Our Teenage Girls: Don’t Dress the Part of the Homecoming Harlot

Heavenly Hailey

Homecoming. I hope I’m not too late. Before the young chippies of Suburbia start dress shopping, I’m begging and pleading for them to listen or at the very least, please consider these words from a seasoned veteran . . .     Dear Suburban Lovelies, Fall is knocking on our door, classes are in full-swing… Read More »

Attention Progressive, Geico & Allstate: My Closet Runneth Over

SJP takes it allllll in.

I think I might be over-insured. Yes, there is such a thing. See, you should probably have ample health, life and home insurance but you should also be sure that you have enough hanging in your closet to “cover you” when something unexpected occurs. Call me paranoid, but I’ve got it all covered, and then… Read More »

Oh The Things That You Can Wax! And The Yearbook Entry You Can’t Forget.


I have a confession to make. I have extremely hairy arms. CORRECTION: I HAD extremely hairy arms. Thanks to the hotties on Vanderpump Rules and a fabulous gay man I knew in 7th grade, I took the initiative to commit to yet another shallow, beauty regimen that will occupy more maintenance time and money.  … Read More »

The Early Bird Stops Bitching and Catches That Worm. You Should Too…


Stop bitching about the snow. It’s mid-February. It’s the Midwest. It’s going to happen. I’m right with you. It’s isolating, it’s messy, it’s Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder-inducing BUT it’s not going anywhere anytime soon.       I have chosen to take all of winter’s dreary down-time and switch the focus from; “Where have all of my… Read More »

Have Yourself a Merry, Little Pinterest (From the Elves at Eucerin)

Eucerin December 13

Oooooooooo. This is going to be good. Forget the comments section . . .that was SO November 2013. This month we are going to get to pinning (on my FAVORITE social media spot and therapy center) . . .Pinterest! But first, a few words from the folks with the soft and healthy skin over at… Read More »

…Make MY Yuletide Gay. Please.


“I don’t want a lot this Christmas. There is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own. More than you will ever know. Make my wish come true. All I want for Christmas is a gay boyfriend.”   Eat your heart… Read More »

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